Archive for the ‘ Help for Families ’ Category

Intervention With Dad Was a Disaster

By Adult Son
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By Adult Son

Why Did You Have the Intervention?

Age 30. After hospitalizations for dehydration, and malnutrition, and then, later a detoxification program in another hospital, my father seemed to be getting worse whether from the relative isolation of his last three week hospitalization or the drugs that were being administered to him. I had detoxed him several times at that point by myself, watching him vigilantly and feeding him and making sure he drank liquids, but could not sustain that level of care after these initial periods of time. He relapsed and I was losing my hold. I had no one to support me and was a transplant in the country that my dad was living in

How Did It Work?

I called my Dad’s brother to help me and he flew down. I went with my Uncle and letters from each of his siblings and from my brother and sister and the simple plan was to take a moment to read them to him and tell him that it was time to seek a higher level of treatment than could be provided in the country we were living without him speaking the language fluently. And certainly a higher level of care then I was willing or able to give him. We had a book about interventions that my Uncle brought and we tried to keep it well regimented and to follow the formulas provided in the book. It was a disaster. He wouldn’t look or listen to the heart rending letters that I was tearfully reading to him from the most important people in his life. To the appeal he said flat out ‘no’ and he said he was busy and had things to do and would not be deterred. He was unpleasantly surprised by the appearance of his brother, whom he is fond of normally. He treated me like a piece of scum, upstart, betrayer, etc. He blithely told us all to go to hell and then tried to wrest a credit card that he had bestowed to me earlier to pay for the hospitalizations. He chased me through the halls of the hospital when I refused to give it to him intent on taking it back violently. Afterward, he calmed but did not relent. We traveled back to our town together several hours in a car and he was the most negative, unhappy person I have ever been in the presence of to this day. A complete nightmare and I felt my failure also to be complete. He returned to work like a demon taking all control and rampantly undoing what had been done (his perception) in his absence. He was not kind to me and we did not speak much. After three months of tenaciously hanging on to his sobriety by sheer force of will he relapsed in a business-critical moment and much drama and fallout ensued. He then made the decision to go to the rehab in the USA. It has been a long road with relapses and more treatments but he is now more than 6 months sober and we are working together and living in separate houses in the same town. I love my Dad and seeing him during this difficult stage in his life has been humbling for both of us. I continue to wish good recovery to him and worry about my role in this situation.

Advice

  • Take heart. I felt this episode to be a terrible failure, but when he finally made the decision to help himself his recovery began.
  • All we can do is strongly urge our loved ones in this situation, the ultimate responsibility was his and his alone.
  • Urge them with love and observations and the letters were amazingly true to this concept, naturally, right from the heart it came out that way.
  • Don’t argue, bicker, or accuse, I suppose.
  • The more close people, the better I think, and in that way we were geographically estranged from many of the people whose presences could have helped.

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June 26th, 2015  in Help for Families No Comments »

Intervention Above and Beyond Our Expectations

By Bloom
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By Bloom

Why Did You Have the Intervention?

My children and a couple of good friends did the intervention for my husband, who is an alcoholic. We hired a professional interventionist who has worked in the intervention field for over 20 years. My husband’s drinking had been escalating for many years. He could not remember conversations, was drunk every day, and got into arguments with us all the time. He was starting to move towards physical violence. We did the intervention to save his life and our family relationships. I believe that he only had about a year left to live due to the progressive nature of the disease, and some health issues.

How Did It Work?

The intervention went beautifully. We had spent much time in preparation and had rehearsed various outcomes with the professional interventionist. My husband quietly listened to all of our letters, thanked us for our courage, and said he would seek treatment. We were all in shock that he agreed with us that he had a problem, because he had told me to butt out of his life a few years back, and had closed off all communication with me. He was humble and gracious throughout the very emotional process. He went into a treatment center the day of the intervention. Needless to day, we were all very grateful and relieved at the outcome. It was above and beyond our expectations, as some of us expected a strong push back. He thanked us all for doing this for him and is sober today. He is an incredible person, who we are seeing come alive before our eyes. It is beautiful to see a person come out of such a horrible and destructive disease.

Advice

  • The advice I would give is to take the time to interview and hire a professional interventionist. He was able to keep the situation in control and be less emotionally involved. He was instrumental in moving the dialogue along and getting my husband to listen to us respectfully. I would highly recommend doing an intervention, because I truly believe that a person under the constant deluge of drugs/alcohol is incapable of thinking clearly and asking for the help they need. My husband knew his drinking was out of control, and was afraid for his life. He just couldn’t ask for the help.

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June 26th, 2015  in Help for Families No Comments »

I Can’t Stop Her From Drinking

By Gail C.
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By Gail C.

What It Was Like

I’m not an addict but my daughter is a drunk I never know what I’m coming home to. She’s been drinking for about six years I guess. I work full time didn’t knew how bad it was until just last year when she went to jail. I never was into a lot of partying don’t understand why she just doesn’t stop.

She has two kids now. She does good with kids, but would do better if she would stop drinking. Baby is only a month old and she’s has run off the times to come home falling down drunk.

New Year’s is coming up and who knows what’s going to happen. Always a reason to get drunk.

What Happened?

I’m going to Al-Anon meetings for me because I can’t fix it, so I’m going to fix me. I’m not going to babysit for her to go out and have fun and I sit at home a worry about what she’s doing. I love the kids but I just can’t do this any more

Lessons Learned

  • I can’t stop her from drinking. I just need to worry about getting me better.

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June 25th, 2015  in Help for Families No Comments »

Son’s Intervention Sent Me to Rehab

By Ric
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By Ric

What It Was Like

I’ve been struggling for 6 years, about 3 1/2 of that sober, most was about 9 months. I’d been going to Alcoholics Anonymous and pretty much decided that I was a failure at that too. Most days I was drinking a fifth of vodka and couldn’t buy half gallons because they wouldn’t last 2 days. So much for controlled drinking!

I retired about 4 years ago and thought things would get better, the only thing better was I could spread out the time I took to drink my bottle. Since I’d been on 2nd shift for most of 33 years expanding my drinking day made it more noticeable and had more impact on others. Me, I was off on that river, “Denial.”

What Happened?

I think my wife understood and recognized my progression toward relapse better than I did. While on vacation, on a day that started out great, I came back hammered, adding insult to the emotional injury. My drinking was causing us both pain and pushing her further away.

I was lost, depressed, and so filled with remorse. My son’s intervention sent me to rehab for 6 weeks, ending just before New Year’s and I’m still in outpatient group and counseling.

I’ve made 75 AA meetings in 75 days, and today regretfully, I didn’t make it to one.

I know my family loves me and is concerned for me, especially my wife. I don’t think she loves me any less but she hated my actions and that was just leaving her numb in her feelings about our relationship. She was feeling I loved my bottle more than her and my actions were doing nothing to refute that.

I’d always tried to be good (stop or hide my ism), and work for acceptance till the feelings of remorse and failure subsided, and I had the misconception (here comes that darn river again) that things were OK.

Even the 3 DUI’s, I mean they were 7 years apart, and someone else, not I was responsible.

In rehab I learned a lot, so much has changed in the years I was hiding in my denial or the bottle.

There is even a science behind being alcoholic. I learned that when I became complacent about attending meetings, became withdrawn and isolated myself from interacting with others, especially my wife. I was already back out. I learned that if I didn’t listen and share the experience, strength, and hope.

I could not do it by myself, I couldn’t do it for the family I love. That only made things worse when I did fail, making the shame and remorse more unbearable and further eroding my self-worth.

Just drowning in that river! I learned we can only share the darkness, among those like us, we cannot share somethings with a best friend, lover, or wife.

Lessons Learned

  • I also learned from the doctor and my counselor at rehab that taking codeine or any other drug for chronic pain will keep me forever standing next to the door to relapse. Only attending daily meetings, working the steps, helping others stay sober, service, and a lot of help from a higher power can ensue my continued sobriety. My wife commented on my last effort, that I seemed to be embracing my program so much better. If that was the case, I hope it crushes me this time. “Your will, not mine”

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June 25th, 2015  in Help for Families No Comments »

Don’t Try an Intervention Alone

By S.R.
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By S.R.

Why Did You Have the Intervention?

My 19-year-old son cannot stop drinking until he passes out! He is continually bringing friends into the house and having parties until 4 and 5 in the morning and began missing as many as four days of work per week or going into work drunk. He is sleeping all day long only to start over the next evening with his friends.

He would be so intoxicated that he would climb into his car at 3:00 in the morning and attempt to drive somewhere. I would physically drag him out of the car and then remove the coil wire so it wouldn’t start.

We have a 12-year-old son that is seeing all of this and his Mother goes to bed in tears every night

How Did It Work?

We have no money for professional help and I decided to do it myself. I took away his cell phone so he couldn’t contact his friends and when they came by I ran them off. I removed the coil wire on his car and only put it on if he is sober and going to work.

I explained that he must accept the fact that he has a problem and should seek help! He is in denial and became violent. He has threatened me with a baseball bat and stole his brother’s bicycle to go to his friend’s house.

I chased him down with my wife’s car and he dropped the bike and ran on foot. We returned home and he start throwing things and threatening to destroy anything I and his Mother own.

When he gets paid he spends his money on alcohol and marijuana and takes his friends out and spends every dime in his pocket. He refuses to accept responsibility for his bills and hasn’t made a payment on his cell phone since he got a job. His mother continues to pay his traffic tickets and retrieve his car from the impound whenever needed.

Advice

  • Don’t do this alone! It is Dangerous!

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June 25th, 2015  in Help for Families No Comments »